Morbidly Obese. Morbid. The first time I realized that my BMI of near 50 qualified me as Morbidly Obese, I was morbidly horrified. I had always been fat, or at least it seemed like it. I knew I was obese, but to put my height and weight into an online calculator and have the words MORBIDLY OBESE pop up stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a significant shock.
My life has been greatly impacted by my obesity. It affected every facet, including my family life, self-esteem, work and daily activities. Because of my weight I had a long list of CAN’TS:
- Can’t ride a bike
- Can’t walk or hike
- Can’t sit in a movie theatre seat – and don’t even get me started with airplane rides or booths at a restaurant
- Can’t go to the gym
- Can’t go on rides at the amusement park
- Can’t control my eating
- Can’t shop for clothes in the store – even the plus size section was too small
- Can’t go for a ride in the ambulance – the most humiliating event of my life was when I needed to be transported for an emergency surgery from one hospital to another and the EMT’s could not lift me. I was in excruciating pain and they could not move me.
- Can’t carry a healthy pregnancy - . I have PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. In my case, PCOS is caused by Insulin Resistance, my body can't utilize the insulin it makes and so it produces more, setting off a chain reaction of other hormonal imbalances. I have not been able to carry a successful pregnancy. In 16 years of trying to conceive, from hormone shots, to fertility drugs, and more, I have conceived 3 times, all of which have ended in miscarriage, devastating losses to me and my husband. My weight is directly correlated to my PCOS. It is caused by the PCOS and the PCOS is made worse by the excess weight - a vicious cycle of imbalanced hormones. My last miscarriage was September 15, 2013. Heartbroken, I finally decided…It's time.
It was time to change my body, my attitude, my esteem. It's time I take charge.